You Should Definitely Hook Up With A Stoner, But Don’t Ever Date One
The illustrious stoner boy: a breed that must have been created by the Gods of sex and cannabis.
Think about it: Guys are great, weed is phenomenal and when you combine the two, you get a better combination than Nutella and a spoon. Add sex into the equation and you have hit the trifecta of bliss.
There is a big difference between a guy who occasionally smokes a bowl before watching “Game of Thrones” and a true pothead. A pothead takes weed to the 420thВ level.
His room resembles a smoke shop, and you can spot a bong faster than a book in there.В Whether they deal it or they are simply marijuana enthusiasts, these guys can be some of the most interesting people you will ever encounter.
They also will be the best hookup you ever have, and this is not just an assumption. You know how four out of five dentists recommend Trident? Well I would say four out of five times you hook up with a stoner, you will be as content as wannabe-hippies on April 20.
That being said, I am a big advocate for hooking up with a stoner for multiple reasons:
They Are So Damn Cute
Like any group of people, stoners come in all shapes and sizes. You can have the boy next door who lights up, the Calvin Klein model who keeps a joint in his briefs, or the archetypal long-haired, tie-dye clad smoker.
However, there is something about stoners that makes them extremely attractive. My theory is that their charm comes from the classicВ stoner facial expression: squinty eyes and an enormous smile that is impossible to resist. Be still, my heart.
They Have Stellar Personalities
These smokinвЂ™ hot blazers are outgoing, laidback, creative and open-minded. They don’t mind being silly and they definitely don’t give a sh*t about what other people think about them. Letting good vibes and good times serve as their personal motto, stoner boys just wanna have fun. This is where you enter the picture.
Stoners are friendly and approachable people, and they even provide you with an easy conversation starter: asking for a lighter. This is your hook, or the first part of a three-step plan to land a stoner in the sack.
If you donвЂ™t smoke, you can still ask for a light. Just say, вЂњItвЂ™s for my friend,вЂќ and then suddenly realize your вЂњfriendвЂќ must have walked away and introduce yourself.
After conversing for a while, casually throw the word вЂњtapestryвЂќ into the conversation. This is step two, also known as your hook line. When he mentions he has a tapestry in his bedroom (which he definitely will), ask if you can see it. ThatвЂ™s your final step, also known as your sinker. Now you wonвЂ™t be seen until the next afternoon.
The Life-Changing Hookup
This will be a historic moment in your life.В ItвЂ™ll be one for the books, and you will leave only wanting more. This feeling of absolute delight will come over you largely because stoners are giving individuals.В If he smokes you out, you can guarantee the same generosity will be demonstrated in bed.
You know how stoners can do impressive things, like make smoke rings when they exhale? Yeah, imagine what else they can do with their mouths.В Once the mind-blowing sex is over, the two of you will be on the verge of passing out, but youвЂ™ll be awake enough for a quick, pre-sleep smoke session that results in a blissful night of sleep.
YouвЂ™ll wake up feeling groggy, yet satisfied. The often dreaded pillow talk can actually be enjoyable if you and Cheech indulge in a wake and bake session.В If youвЂ™ve smoked before, you know how easy it is to bond over anything when high: food, Animal Planet, shapes. You name it and you can have a 20-minute conversation about it.
If you need something to talk about, I suggest having an in-depthВ discussion about how cool the ocean is. But seriously, if you think about it, 95 percent of the ocean is undiscovered. That is an unreal thought sober, let alone while high.
It all sounds too good to be true, and like most things in this world, it is. He may be exhaling a smoke signal that reads: not relationship ready.В Bob Marley once posed the question, “Could you be loved?” I will elaborate and ask, could you be loved by your dashiki-clad hook-up buddy? It’s very possible!
Here are some issues that you may want to consider before getting serious with your stoner:
He Lives In His Own Little World
The truth of the matter is that potheads constantly escape to a different world. ItвЂ™s a damn cool place to visit, but it strays from reality.
IвЂ™m not saying I love real life all the time. I wish I lived in a Wes Anderson movie, but you canвЂ™t permanently reside in your own wonderland. So during the times when you need your guy to be physically, as well as mentally present, it can be an issue.
He Can Be A Liability
We all do things that arenвЂ™t necessarily legal. I pee in public all the time, and just as I run the risk of being caught squatting with my pants down behind a Taco Bell, he will run the risk of getting in trouble with the fuzz.
If you guys are just hooking up, then you definitely wonвЂ™t have to bail him out, but when itвЂ™s your boyfriend, youвЂ™re more inclined to help if he runs into trouble with the law.
Easy solution to this issue: legalize marijuana. Come on, American government, can’t you see that making pot illegal is a roadblock for a girl who is trying to get into a serious relationship with a stoner? Help a sister out!
Sobriety Is Not A Bad Thing
Granted, this is coming from a girl who partakes in Mike’s Hard Mondays, but it is true that you donвЂ™t want to constantly be under any influence when in a relationship.
If you love weed as much or even more than your guy does, then you may want to reevaluate if you should be in a relationship together. A stoned movie and Chinese food night sounds like a fabulous ritual to do alone, and it’s even better if you have someone special to share it with.
Just be cautious that you donвЂ™t constantly enable each other. Sobriety is important in relationships because it allows you to display your most authentic self.
You’ll Find Yourself In Second Place
I like to think of myself as a modern-day woman, so if I ever did go on dates, I would offer to pay for myselfвЂ¦ every once in a while. Sure, youвЂ™ll probably save money on your own personal stash of pot if you date a stoner, but itвЂ™s really not about money. This is more about the principle of the situation.
Material things do not make a relationship successful. Yes, they are nice, but without sentiment, they are just objects. I was overjoyed when an ex-boyfriend made me an origami creation of my favorite childhood cartoon character for Christmas, and even more overjoyed when I ripped it up and threw it in a fire after we broke up.
IвЂ™m not saying a good boyfriend has to buy you expensive things; I am saying that if heвЂ™s willing to spend a small fortune on pot, then you may feel like you are coming in second place to his other girlfriend, Mary Jane.
He may take the gold medal when it comes to hooking up, but you run the risk of taking silver if you are a stonerвЂ™s girlfriend.
Just remember, weed is great, but you are much doper. Pun totally intended.
The illustrious stoner boy: a breed that must have been created by the Gods of sex and cannabis. Think about it: Guys are great, weed is phenomenal and when you combine the two, you get a better combination than Nutella and a spoon. Add sex into theвЂ¦
How Many Singles Will Date Someone Who Loves Weed?
When it comes to relationship deal-breakers, people tend to think put different drug or alcohol use on their list. But a new study shows that, at least when it comes to pot, dating someone who smokes weed is not a big deal. Dating site WhatsYourPrice.com surveyed nearly 33,000 respondents and found out it wasnвЂ™t a problemвЂ” 60 percent of respondents said they would be a-OK with dating someone who smokes marijuana.
It makes me wonder what constitutes вЂњsmoking marijuana.” Someone who smokes weed at all or a regular Cheech and/or Chong? Although the number dropped to 55 percent in regards to women, it’s still the majority that are feeling positive to our stoner brothers and sister. And age didnвЂ™t really make a difference eitherвЂ” across most age groups there was a 57 or 58 percent acceptance rate. It was only in the 70-plus age bracket that it droppedвЂ” and still 43 percent of them were OK with it. But maybe thatвЂ™s not surprising, they lived through the ’60s.
But it’s not the first time weed and dating have been looked at, and in fact, rather than a deterrent, there seems to be some obvious benefits to dating someone who’s 4/20-friendly. But first, check out our latest episode of Bustle’s Sex and Relationships podcast “I Want It That Way”:
1. The Weed Dating Capital of America IsnвЂ™t Where You Think
The most weed-friendly city for singles? Cleveland, Ohio. In the WhatsYourPrice.com survey, 95 percent of respondents said they were most accepting of dating a weed lover, which is huge. Interestingly, as far as states go, Kentucky had 83 percent 4/20 friendliness around the whole state. It is the blue grass state, after all, so our stoner couples might all be there.
2. ItвЂ™s Great For Orgasms
More. Stronger. It does it all. Weed can have an amazing affect on your sex life. Dr. Mitch Earleywine tells Elite Daily that “that CB1 receptor seems to be involved in improved tactile sensations and general euphoria” and there are some anecdotal reports of marijuana being linked to longer orgasms. And if that isn’t enough of a reason to give it a try. I think that’s a reason to give it a try.
3. It Affects Serious Relationship Issues
It’s not just silly stuff. When it comes to serious relationship issues, like domestic violence, smoking marijuana may help. A study of 643 couples by the University of Buffalo found there was less domestic violence in couples where at least one partner smoke marijuana, and the lowest were both did.
4. You Can Literally Use It For Sex
If you don’t like the idea of smoking up, there are other ways for weed to help your sex life. Cannabis lube exists. It’s a thing. And it’s “designed for female pleasure.” And those are always words I like to hear.
5. Marijuana Users Want Serious Relationships
It’s not just that people are open to dating pot smokers, stoners are looking for love in a real way. According to research released by Match, 44 percent of smokers were looking for a real relationship. Not only that, they were 144 percent more likely than non-daters to have been in a relationship before, so we’re talking some serious daters.
6. . And They’re Picky
Don’t think that all the giggles and loving that go along with weed makes them open to everyone. Weed smokers are actually picker than non-weed smokers. The same Match survey found that they were “theyвЂ™re less likely to date someone who is unemployed, lives at home with their parents, is a virgin, and is messier than they are.”
7. If You’re Open To Marijuana Use, You’re Open To More Orgasms
That’s right, there not just strong and potentially longer. Match found that those “open to marijuana use” were 109 percent more likely to have multiple orgasms. Whoop! Sound intense? They were also 30 percent more likely to want to make out at the end of the date, and who doesn’t like making out?
When it comes to relationship deal-breakers, people tend to think put different drug or alcohol use on their list. But a new study shows that, at least when it comes to pot, dating someone who smokes weed is not a big deal. Dating siteвЂ¦